Four directions.
Two paths.
One me.

Which way should I go? Here I sit in this endless reality hoping change will come about. In wishing, I became what I most detest.

I want the world to stop. I want to see a path for me, and just for me.

Still the colours are forever gone. And I only can wait until I have more. See what love has done?

Let me explain how I feel:
Fireworks. Yes, they are pretty and amazing to watch. But someone has to light those beautiful things. I am not that person. I am standing by him. So as the firework shoots out and explodes magnificently in the dark night, the ashes are spraying down on me. And that is all I see. I cannot see the beautiful thing in front of me, because the ashes are burning me. I cannot escape. Therefor, fireworks bring pain, and the colour that I saw from that are now washed away.

I do not know how to break these thoughts.
I know multitudes of messages and texts will be sent to my phone and name saying look to the bright side and I love you.

Bright sides are the size of a pinhole now. And love me as much as you want. I'm still trying to figure out if I can love myself for everything I have done. And everything I continue to do.

I have tired to snuff it out, this terrible darkness. And now it is back stronger than before. And I have enough strength to not bring upon red lines. But not enough to prevent the inevitable.

Once again, stay what you will. My mind is clouded. And my back is turned.

Does anyone want to give me hand?